Ryu’s Grandad squares off against Jason Statham in Human Killing Machine
“Worst game ever? Human Killing Machine, Capcom. Seriously, look it up. I have a copy of it on disk, given away by Amiga Power, I believe.” @GuyFawkesRetro
The above tweet peaked my curiosity, I boldly replied “Worst game ever? I have a sudden urge to try it.” And so I did. As you know I recently reviewed Yolanda! for review a bad game day, however if I’d known about this one it would have been a serious contender. I actually felt like playing Yolanda! after this, in fact, I felt like playing Rise of the Robots just to wash away the memories.
Luckily for Kwon, Igor’s rifle is out of bullets.
You play as Kwon, who is apparently strong. You have to knock down (no K.O’s here) your opponent a number of times to win, your first battle is against Igor, once you’ve defeated him you then fight his dog (I’m assuming) which in my mind is just plain mean. I didn’t get much further than that, the collision detection is terrible, the controls unmanageable, and the poor animation lets down the relatively good graphics and backgrounds. At points I had no idea how or what I was doing to hit the opponent as the controls didn’t really match with anything on the screen.
As adverts go it’s pretty effective, it screams “Buy it, or we’ll cut you”.
“A clone of Street Fighter. Strangely, they took the Amiga version with its bad animations as reference and not the arcade version. So you got the same gameplay as SF, but executed even worse.”
“Often described as the next best thing (or something like that…) on many games-mags previews at the time, this soon revealed itself for the unforgivable, unplayable, Tiertex-developed utter disaster it actually was. If you played it for more than 10 minutes and survived, congratulations: that sure was a big task…”
Anyways, if you must see more, see below for the game on YouTube, someone has kindly played through the whole thing. Also good luck to @GuyFawkesRetro on twitter, who is on the search for the ultimate bad game…. (I think you may have found it?)
Greek? Roman? Viking? Playboy? Yolanda’s fashion sense is as terrible as the game play!
Yolanda
System: Amiga
Design: Steve Bak
Genre: Platformer – Single Screen
Released: 1990
Publisher: Millennium
Today is review a bad game day, a day I’ve been dreading. Mainly because I’m not only bad at reviews of good games, I’m even worse at writing reviews of bad games! Confused? Then we’re off to a good start. I had a few choices for this review, all on the Amiga, Rise of the Robots (1994) for one, a game called Graffiti Man (1987), and Battletoads (1992), another disappointing arcade conversion for the Amiga.
Storyline, not much to do with the game methinks…
However, the game that stuck in the back of my mind was Yolanda (1990), no matter how many bad games I started to remember playing this one always seemed to be at the top of that list. You play as Yolanda, the mortal daughter of Hercules, cursed by a jealous Hera because of her beauty, the only way to lift the curse (any man Yolanda falls in love with will die) is to repeat the 12 tasks of Hercules. To be honest on the box this sounds like a pretty neat idea for a game.
Be quick, fiery death awaits you…
The game play is platform based on a single screen, and as soon as it starts it looks like it could be quite an enjoyable game; platforms in place, check, enemies present, check, protagonist standing heroically, check. However, a few seconds after the level starts the platform beneath you either gives way or bursts into flames. Um, right… try again? Sure, why not. Level re-starts… hey wait… this isn’t the same lev….. Poompf. Arrrgghhh!!! (Ed – expletive replaced with generic sound of frustration). This is pretty much a summary of how most of the game will go for any player, novice or pro. You have to learn quickly that you only have a few meager seconds to move off of the platform you start on otherwise you will instantly perish in fiery style.
One of the easier levels, easier in that I managed to complete it.
However, once you’ve mastered the initial ‘avoid fiery death’ you have the rest of the level to deal with. The objective for each level is simple (although I’m still not sure how any of it relates to the 12 tasks of Hercules), you must reach the exit door, which initially appears as a creature of some kind and then changes to a door once you’re on the move. The phrase easier said than done has never been more relevant in this game. Two main reasons are the poor controls (once you’ve jumped you cannot maneuver or change direction) as well as the terrible collision detection. Once you’re hit by an enemy you will die instantly, and the level re-starts, but as mentioned before, it is not always the same level.
The two problems above don’t even come close to the major issue this game has, which drops the playability down into a minus score. If you’re lucky enough to time a jump properly, and avoid any enemies, you may still not make it. Without any clues to guide you, platforms will disappear or burst into flames as soon as you land on them, leading to certain death. (Ed – meh, more like instant death ‘every’ time). Each level is like this. You have to memorize and learn the traps and pitfalls of each level, some of which can be completed but most (if not all) seem virtually impossible due to their randomness.
Sometimes there is a fine line between a game being difficult, and a game being unplayable. I believe the controls and buggy game play of Yolanda land it squarely in the latter. Every level needs to be learned, every jump timed perfectly, every platform memorized. However, even if you do all this some levels are just impossible to complete, alongside the random level select it makes the game very hard to play and very very frustrating.
Yolanda advert, good advertising can make or break a product, well, it worked on me.
When I first played this (budget version, £7.99) I really looked forward to it, the blurb and the box art sold the game to me, even the title screen and music I remember fondly. The title screen artwork and the music remind me a lot of The Great Giana Sisters, which I really like. The graphics aren’t so bad either, however, none of these elements can make up for the fact the game is terrible. I personally don’t think it went through enough, if any, play testing, otherwise I think they would have gone back to it and created a half decent platformer. For a commercially released game it feels poorly made and unfinished, I’m surprised it received reviews of above 20% back in the day.
Thanks for reading this review, take a peek at some of the links below for more information on Yolanda! Given some of the original retail prices for this game I’m glad I paid the £7.99 rather than the £24.99.
Information:
Lemon Amiga page for Yolanda, game info and screen shots.
Only rediscovered this one the other week. I used to spend hours building up a nice big awesome city, only to get bored with all the high living and in turn start to destroy it, with that lovely drop down menu of ‘natural’ (Monster?) disasters. A few earthquakes, floods, tornadoes and monster rampages later my city would lay in ruin. Good times.
To be honest I never really understood how to play it properly, the taxes, the budget, the graphs and charts… I’m not sure anyone else really paid attention to those things either? (I’m prepared for correction). It was mostly down to common sense and guess-work on my part, industrial areas to manufacture things, commercial areas to set up business, utilities etc etc, and residential areas for the people who will work in and help run your city. Joining these places with power lines and roads seemed pretty obvious and the occasional helpful prompts kept everything else in check.
Playing this the other day was a small taster of how long I actually used to play this for, only an hour as opposed to hours. I’m hoping I still have the saves somewhere of the city I built up to cover most of the area of land you were given. The game has simple graphics, sound and controls, using the mouse to select and place your buildings from an easy to use interface of icons. However, the game play itself is still just as addictive as it was over 20 years ago. You’re driven to make your city as nice as possible, not because there’s a great ending to the game, a reward or level to complete, but to ultimately destroy the city you have created and nurtured from its beginning. No-one wants to destroy a city that’s already rubbish.
The motivation to build a brilliant city and then the option to destroy it makes Sim City still very playable. The game play is timeless, and as I’ve said before it doesn’t take realistic graphics to make a game great, and Sim City is a fine example of this. On a side note, I believe destroying the city is more of an option than a necessity, even though it’s the one I found most appealing. I’m sure the statistical and political side to the game can also come into play at some point, I wonder if anyone has reached an end to the game where destruction didn’t occur?
The pictures show my little city of ‘Somewhere’ (I was too lazy to think up a cool city name) in its early stages, through to a monster attack, then some earthquakes which destroyed the nuclear power plant, throwing the city into chaos. The mayor (or ‘me’) at this stage had already fled and was jetting off to a tropical island.
The disasters add an extra exciting depth to the game play, alongside the more serious aspects of running a city with the taxes and budgets, both of these elements increase the challenge you face when building your ultimate utopian paradise (especially when playing the game properly – ahem).
After putting up some retro adverts from Amiga Action I thought I’d have a good look through my favourite Amiga magazine from back in the day, Amiga Power, and do the same here! One thing I noticed about the Amiga Action adverts is how many of those games I didn’t actually own, even though I read the magazine and remember seeing the adverts for them. Whilst flicking through Amiga Power I noticed most of the games adverts were either of games I own, or had at least played… is this a coincidence? I just happened to buy and play games because they were in my favourite magazine? Certainly raises a few questions about the power of advertising!
Either way, I was happy to be influenced to buy and play some of these games in the adverts below, I remember every single advert here and own most of the games, one of my favourites (see above) is Fire and Ice, it’s a great advert with a great illustration of the hero cool coyote. A few of my other favourites from the list include; Moonstone (more for the game than the advert), Premiere, the manic Wizkid and the weird and wonderful advert for Harlequin, which, like Premiere, was also the box art for the game. These adverts had a distinct influence on the games I bought, alongside the usual previews, reviews and word of mouth.
Hope you see a few adverts you remember and that they spark similar memories, it would be great to know which adverts you remember from gaming magazines back in the day, Amiga Power was certainly my favourite Amiga magazine and has clearly been an influence on my Amiga gaming choices and collection.
Amiga Power 47 March 1995
Amiga Power 42 Oct 1994
Amiga Power 30 Oct 1993
Amiga Power 1 May 1991
Amiga Power 0 May 1991
Amiga Power 21 Jan 1993
Amiga Power 17 Sep 1992
Amiga Power 16 August 1992
Amiga Power 15 Jul 1992
Amiga Power 15 July 1992
Amiga Power 11 March 1992
Amiga Power 10 Feb 1992
Amiga Power 9 Jan 1992
Amiga Power 9 Jan 1992
Amiga Power 9 Jan 1992
Amiga Power 8 Dec 1991
Amiga Power 7 Nov 1991
Amiga Power 7 Nov 1991
Amiga Power 7 Nov 1991
Amiga Power 6 Oct 1991
Amiga Power 6 Oct 1991
Amiga Power 6 Oct 1991
Amiga Power 6 Oct 1991
Amiga Power 5 Sep 1991
Amiga Power 5 Sep 1991
Amiga Power 5 Sep 1991
Amiga Power 5 Sep 1991
Amiga Power 5 Sep 1991
Amiga Power 3 July 1991
Amiga Power 2 June 1991
Amiga Power was definitely my favourite Amiga magazine on the market, it was funny, informative and had a really informal tone which I think made it the most appealing out of all the Amiga mags available. A few of my favourite writers were Dave Golder, who now works on the awesome SFX Magazine (follow him here on twitter), Stuart Campbell and Jonathan Davies.
Amiga Power (or AP for short) was a monthly magazine about Amiga computer games. It was published in the United Kingdom by Future Publishing, and ran for 65 issues, from May 1991 to September 1996 (From Wikipedia). Please see the full-page on Amiga Power using this
Couple of bonus pics I’ve found which can be seen in the gallery above (last two pics)! The Amiga Power team in all their glory, and my entry in The Last Resort section of the mag, asking for help on the game Simon the Sorcerer, this is before you could look things up on the internet. Natch. Thanks to Rich Pelley for answering my question.
Ah Treasure Island Dizzy, eggcellent game, you might even say… eggquisite? Ahem. I could crack plenty of those yolks but I eggpect I would lose those few loyal readers I have, and fear they would be poached from me to another blog. Right, all out of my system. Previously I reviewed Spellbound Dizzy, a game I actually don’t like that much, however I thought I’d take a look at the first Dizzy game I ever played, and made me into a long-term fan of the series. Treasure Island Dizzy was the first of the series to appear on the Amiga, but certainly not the worst by a long shot.
The graphics are cute and colourful (as expected) and by todays standards I could probably whip up similar looking sprites and backgrounds in Paint. However, this is one of the first things that attracted me to the game. The game starts with Dizzy trapped on an island, his only means of escape is to solve the usual array of puzzles as well as collect 30 gold coins to secure his passage off the island and to freedom. A simple scenario. The graphics are well drawn and look polished, despite the simple look of the backgrounds and characters. The puzzles are generally simple and follow a logical course, although can be frustrating at points if you leave certain items behind and have to move back and forth to get them.
The gameplay is challenging, not only do you have to solve all the puzzles, as well as collect all the coins, the challenge is more so as you have to complete the game with the single life you are granted at the start. No continues here and mistakes can be pretty deadly.
However, because of this, there is pure satisfaction when completing this game as it is more than a trial at times. In this gamers opinion, the only downfall of this title is the music (let’s be honest, Dizzy games never really hit the mark with effective music? – begin debate…?)
The music was composed by Allister Brimble, who had worked on many other popular Amiga games including Alien Breed (1991) Mortal Kombat (1993) and Superfrog (1993), which all make great use of atmospheric and dramatic scores to bring the games to life, which is odd in this instance as I feel the music comes across as extremely (see – no egg joke) repetitive and just a little irritating in Treasure Island Dizzy. He also composed the music for other Dizzy titles such as Fantasy World Dizzy (1991) and Spellbound Dizzy (1992).
This is a gem of a game with some great and interesting puzzles, nasty traps and one particular nod to one of my all time favourite movies. Pleasant graphics and fun game play this is
by no means the best or greatest of Dizzy games on the Amiga but is certainly a classic and a great introduction to the series. The single life makes it a challenge and if you don’t like the music, turn it off! Simple.
One of the elements to Treasure Island Dizzy which can make the game very entertaining is the cheat codes (listed below), usually employed when I’ve forgotten a really obvious puzzle and then attempt to crash the game by taking Dizzy to areas of the game the developers didn’t intend you to go to.
Enter one of the following codes during game play to activate the corresponding cheat function.
Please go to the Yolkfolk.com for all your Dizzy needs and wants.
Treasure Island Dizzy has appeared in many other conversions, notably on the Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Commodore 64, MS-DOS, NES and the ZX Spectrum.
A short note and update in the world of Reality Glitch Online. Not only is this a year for some awesome anniversary’s (Mario and Back to the Future both celebrating 25 years) but it is a year ago today that I also started my blog.
My first post was on October 31st 2009 and was Dune II for the Amiga 500, follow the link to take a look!
I still have the scribble sheet somewhere with a list of names and titles for the blog. Most of them involved the word retro somewhere along the line and the word gaming, however as I had no idea what I really wanted to write about I didn’t want to corner myself so early in the game!
Reality Glitch Online seemed to be nice and non-committal to any particular section of entertainment, allowing me to explore the usual array of games, movies, TV, theatre and of course retro gaming. Almost shortened it to RGO but thought I might get mistaken for RKO Pictures, silly me.
Still it’s been a great year, plenty to celebrate even in the face of adversity at some points, throughout I have stuck to one of my main goals and that was to keep this blog going. At the risk of this turning into a ‘Dear Diary’ moment, I started out with some bold goals (I think it was to post twice a week) amounting to 8 posts a month and 96 posts for the year, sadly I didn’t reach these dizzy heights of posting, but I’m hoping in this case it was quality over quantity!
Over the year I’ve managed to accumulate a larger back log of retro consoles and games, including a SNES and a NES (one was free, thank you Emma) and the other was £3 from a car boot sale. On top of this a menagerie of Amiga and Sega Mega Drive games, most of which also came from car boot sales, between 50p and £1 a game, you’ve really got to route through huge amounts of stuff to find those bargains.
Below are a few tips gathered from my own experience and from the interweb on blogging, in case anyone else is insane enough to start one:
1) Set aside time on a daily basis to write to improve style and voice. This could be as little as 30 minutes of writing or a single page.
2) Beat your self-doubt and inner critic. I have both and they often run rampant.
3) Connect with readers – I always see this as responding to comments, being open to feedback and tips and constructive criticism.
4) Promote your blog, double posting and spamming not advisable. Also promote and connect with others at least 3
Happy Halloween
times a week.
5) Ask some questions on why you’re writing and what you’re writing. How will the reader react or benefit from reading your posts.
6) Avoid too many rants (unless of course that’s what your blog is about I guess) I prefer upbeat and helpful posts that leave me feeling informed and positive about something.
7) Develop your story telling ability and think about your writing voice – how the reader can hear you.
Most of all enjoy what you are writing, and set yourself realistic goals.
Thanks for reading and hopefully plenty more posts to come soon
Hope everyone is having a great weekend and Happy Halloween!
Ah, Mortal Kombat. What self respecting 12 year old doesn’t crave gore, violence and fatalities in their gaming experience, and even if you didn’t, the much cooler looking ‘K’ in combat would have sold it to you.
Created by Ed Boon and John Tobias, Mortal Kombat was released for the Amiga by Midway and Probe Software after being converted from its much more successful and shinier looking arcade counterpart. For me it was the fighting game of choice on the Amiga (although not difficult considering the competition of the poor excuse for a conversion that was Street Fighter II) and although favourable, other fighter attempts such as Body Blows and Body Blows Galactic still didn’t quite do it for me.
Although MK lost some of its shine on the transfer to the Amiga it lost none of its excellent game play experience, introducing gamers to fatalities, a selection of unique finishing moves which provided high levels of blood and gore. My original big box version even carries a 15 rating sticker, although its so small I think they hoped no-one would really notice and would buy it anyway.
The scenario is the usual caper, an array of fighters from various backgrounds and martial arts abilities compete for their lives against a greater foe, in this case Shang Tsung. All combatants have their own back stories and reasons for being there. You begin by selecting your fighter to start (Scorpion or Johnny Cage for me) and work your way up the tournament ladder, fighting the other characters, as well as yourself, endurance rounds and finally the bosses. There are also mini games in between certain bouts, where you attempt to break the joystick by wiggling it frantically from side to side in order to break through a number of materials to prove your strength, working up from wood to diamond.
In all honesty, I was impressed with the graphics when I first saw them (ah, impressionable youth) and they were very different to what I had seen from Street Fighter II. The characters were developed with digitised sprites based on actors, as opposed to the more ‘cartoony’ graphics in the aforementioned Street Fighter series. Seeing how they digitised the actors was awesome and very interesting, something I think I saw in an episode of Bad Influence, and really impressed. Since seeing the arcade version I can of course make a more informed judgement on the graphics, the arcade characters are beautifully animated but the Amiga version seems to have lost some of that shine, and looking closely edges are poorly drawn and seem rushed in places.
I love the sounds and music for this game, right from the usual sound effects of martial arts combat (someone smashing a water melon with a sledge hammer) to the eerie yet funky background and menu music. The effects and music increase the tension and atmosphere and certainly bring the characters to life. I don’t usually go for game related music, but I don’t deny there are some classic tunes out there based on them, and the Mortal Kombat theme is one of them I like listening to, so much I even have the track on my iPod (check it out below) I just like listening to how they managed to fit all those names into some sort of… song?
Playing this game again certainly brought back some good memories, and although the controls are nowhere near as easy to use on the one button joystick compared to a joy pad it was fun learning them all again. Another slight nitpick is that the characters all share the basic punches and kicks, but they do each have unique specials and fatalities. The single player game is good but nothing ever compares to 2 player, and I certainly never grow tired of Scorpion’s “get over here” and uppercut combo. I always remember to keep an eye out for the shape flying across the moon on the bridge level and recall finding Reptile for the first time. I think I even found Reptile harder to beat than Goro and Shang Tsung.
A great game all round and a highly successful series of games which followed, Mortal Kombat II introduced some awesome new characters and made some vast improvements to the game over its predecessor. Pretty good conversion as far as the Amiga goes, but considering the poor competition of Street Fighter II and Body Blows this easily comes top.
Check out some of the reviews below from back in the day.
It’s always difficult to name a top 5, especially when there are so many great games on the Amiga to choose from. I’ve based this small list on games I love to replay, whether on my Amiga or emulated. They also tap into deep rooted childhood memories and good times to match!
I will emphasise this list “is in my opinion” (ah, the wonders of a blog) as with any “top list” on any subject it will spark debate, which is a healthy thing anyway and hopefully some of you will put forward some of your top platformers for the Amiga as well!
After playing through a few of my favourites, and ones I haven’t played before, my list grew substantially from the initial 5. However, as much as I’d love to waffle on these games will be hailed as an honourable mention and came close to making my list; Superfrog, Rodland, Rainbow Islands, Harlequin, Gods and Wolfchild.
Flashback
Flashback is an immensely good game with great graphics and great cut scenes to move the game along in-between each level. It moves away from the usual “bouncy, jumpy” platformer and provides more of an RPG feel to it. The controls are smooth and really run well with the graphics. The intense music really sets the atmosphere for the whole game and the sound effects throughout set the tone nicely. Gameplay and appearance is similar in style to Another World but Flashback has a longer, and in my opinion better storyline (the puzzles are trickier but also follow a logical pattern). A great mix of action and puzzle solving Flashback is one I can play over and over again, even the courier jobs in level 2 aren’t all that bad. I love the intro sequence to this game and it sticks firmly in my memory to this day, the graphics blew me away and with the upbeat music felt like you were watching the intro to a movie. Good times.
Whichever way you like at the Great Giana Sisters people will always shout out something about Mario, but I remember first loading this up on my Amiga and being hooked right away (for an eight year old boy the title screen was fascinating in itself). I felt no need to sit there and think “this is just like that NES game” and so I played through without the hindrance of over analysis that seems to limit the mind once you’ve reached adulthood. I took it for what it was, the graphics were bright and colourful, the gameplay fun and easy going but still retained that challenging aspect to it (timing some jumps was essential). It’s certainly not the easiest game to complete and the 2 player option is just basically the same thing over again but you’ll want to make it to the end, just because. It’s also one of the few games on my Amiga I remember my sister playing (alongside Monster Business, Magic Serpent and Chips Challenge) and as far as I remember she was able to get much further through the game than I could… probably had more patience. An awesome game and worth revisiting, the music is pretty lively too.
As soon as I read or think of the name Turrican the same funky signature theme tune pops into my head and I instantly feel the need to load it up. Turrican is a fast paced platformer and one where it’s not wise to stop for too long, the amount of enemies on screen doesn’t slow the game down and you’ll always find you’re up against an enemy. The game has a great variety of weapons in order to help you take out bad guys in more ways than one; namely bounce, laser and multiple, (add in the extra morph-ball move) and you have everything you need to make it through the games 5 distinct worlds, each with its own great piece of music by Chris Huelsbeck. I love it for its intensity and non-stop gameplay, the graphics look clean and polished and I find its one of the more challenging platformers for the Amiga. On more than one occasion this game has grabbed my attention, and is one of the few times playing it became more important than being called down for dinner. Turrican II is certainly my favourite of the series but I do have a soft spot for Turrican III, mainly for the cool swingy gadget.
CU Amiga (Feb 1992) review of Turrican II scored 94%
Magic Pockets
I played this because I saw it being played on Saturday morning TV (either Motormouth or Going Live!). Either way during the shows the contestant played the game either by shouting the controls down the phone or by using a touch tone phone. I loved the little character (Bitmap Kid) and the ’cool’ (for the 90′s) animated intro sequence. BK had a unique way of taking out the bad guys, although it never made much sense why a snail would change into a candy cane after being engulfed by a whirlwind which came out someone’s pocket… crazy as that sounds when you write it down it makes sense in this awesome game. Another great from the Bitmap Brothers! The game is long enough to keep you amused for hours, until you turn to look at the clock and realise your late for school (you then get to school and remember it’s a Saturday) and feel like a complete ninny, but with the added bonus you can return home and carry on playing. The level designs are brilliant and the secret passages add an extra puzzle element to the gameplay. The game includes an impressive variety of bad guys and extra levels to keep you reaching into to your pockets for a long time to come… ooo er.
Who doesn’t want to save a bunch of hapless penguins at Christmas time from the evil yet brightly coloured clutches of James Ponds arch nemesis Dr. Maybe? It’s certainly one of the most memorable platformers for me as I was a huge fan of the James Bond movies (still am, natch) and the first Pond game. In order to defeat Dr. Maybe (who has taken over Santa’s workshop in the North Pole) Pond is equipped with a robotic suit which allows him to extend is body and grip onto very high platforms, and then shimmy along them past all manner of bad guys and deadly traps. Robocod is a great game and a welcome improvement on the gameplay of the first game (I found the underwater controls far too sensitive and the gameplay very repetitive). Robocod also introduces a series of vehicles for our hero to use adding another dimension to the game, these include a car, plane and um, a bathtub. The game looks and feels polished and is definitely the best in the series (the third game felt like a combination of the first and second without the cool robotic suit) and for all its colour and overly cute level designs the game is the most challenging, and in some places just a little bit sinister.
Hope found this Top 5 enjoyable and informative, 2 awesome resource sites for everything Amiga can be found here at Amiga Magazine Rack and Lemon Amiga!
I have also previosuly reviewed Superfrog! Check it out here!
“My name is Guybrush Threepwood, prepare to die! The immortal words of Guybrush Drinkwater, um, Thrinkwood, eh, never mind. Squinky, just call him Squinky.”
This is probably one of the hardest reviews I’ve written on my blog. This game has so many fond memories attached to it I could waffle on for days. I believe that Ron Gilbert is the best thing to have happened to point n’ click adventures in the entire history of the genre. He designed and created a game I still enjoy playing through again and again, even 20 years later. It is hard to express how much I love this game, (without resorting to interpretive dance or something) and unfortunately can never do it justice. However below are just some of my thoughts and feelings on what I think is a classic game, first played on my Amiga in the early 90′s, eagerly swapping 4 disks over and over, and pretty much the same game still being played on my PC, through Steam. My original big boxed version for the Amiga sits proudly on my shelf o’ gaming as I write.
The Secret of Monkey Island can be seen as one of the greatest point and click adventures of its time, and possibly of all time (begin debate) It remains in the hearts and minds of all dedicated adventurers since the beginning of the classic pirate series from Lucas Arts, and more specifically Ron Gilbert, master of dialogue and design behind The Secret of Monkey Island. Guybrush’s adventures continue to this day, with some of the original team returning for the Tales of Monkey Island from Telltale Games. The Secret of Monkey Island is an adventure game that utilizes the command verb-based system SCUMM (Script Creation Utility of Maniac Mansion), the kind of point and click interface first introduced in Maniac Mansion and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The technology was used in all subsequent Lucas Arts adventure games, with the exception of Grim Fandango and Escape from Monkey Island. The branching dialogue system allows you to talk to characters in different ways without fearing a wrong choice, (if this was the not the case Guybrush’s’ further adventures could see him working down at the local fire station) after declaring to the pirate captains “I wanna be a fireman”. The game play itself revolves around inventory-based puzzles to solve. Items are picked up and saved in the players’ inventory until needed; they can be used with each other or with an object, place or character within the game.
Guybrush is the wannabe pirate hero of the adventure, our pony tailed protagonist doesn’t realise that his arrival on Melee Island couldn’t have come at a worse time as its inhabitants are being terrorised by the fearsome ghost pirate Le Chuck. To begin his dream of adventure on the high seas, drinking grog, swordplay, thievery, and eh, treasure huntery, Guybrush must seek the three grog swilling, foul-mouthed pirate captains who reside in the SCUMM bar, aptly named for the games interface system explained above. Guybrush must complete the three trials given to him by the pirate captains to succeed in becoming a pirate. With cracking dialogue, cut scenes and some very funny moments Guybrush’s adventure goes from wannabe pirate to captaining his own ship and crew in order to find his way to Monkey Island and rescue the woman he loves from the evil clutches of the ghost pirate Le Chuck!
Along the way Guybrush meets many other great characters; including Captain Smirk who trains Guybrush, used ship salesman Stan (this character also returns many times in other Monkey Island games, and excels in the second game as a used coffin salesman), Otis the prisoner, and most significantly, the love of his life, Governor Elaine Marley, who Guybrush meets whilst attempting to steal the idol of many hands (only because it belongs in a museum you understand…). However, Elaines ex, or Le Chuck as we like to call him decides to kidnap her and take her with his ghostly crew to the fabled Monkey Island. Le Chuck has been Guybrush’s nemesis throughout the Monkey Island series and is a great character, with plenty more villainous potential to return in further games, whether is be as ghost, zombie or human!
One of the most memorable of the three trials (for its longevity) is to defeat the island’s sword master Carla, an expert in the art of sword play and insults. A notable contributor to this very clever and funny part of the game was author Orson Scott Card. Orson wrote the insults and answers that the player has to collect by fighting stinking and bloodthirsty pirates on the road, and to use the insults and answers collected to defeat the sword masters own unique brand of verbal abuse. This is also one of my personal favourites in the game, and even though I know when I have just enough replies to defeat the swordmaster, I will continue to fight and collect more. Other favourite parts of the game include the relatively short second part on the voyage to Monkey Island itself, the ‘self contained pirate sitcom’, whereby the mutinous crew reduce Guybrush to the highest and lowest rank on his own ship.
Gilberts dialogue throughout is funny and timeless, allowing new gamers who have not had the pleasure of the Monkey Island experience before to appreciate the superior humour and the great characters in a new light, rather than focus on the outdated graphics and linear story line. However, with the recent release of the special editions on PC the graphics have been greatly improved with some fantastic character designs and background artwork, I highly recommend The Secret of Monkey Island Special Edition as it looks great but has lost none of the originals great game play, humour and charm.
A brilliant game and still one of my all time favorites, it all culminates into a timeless game with humour and characters that stick in the mind to this day, playable and simply one of Lucas Arts, (or more accurately Ron Gilberts) greatest point and click adventures, nothing yet in my opinion has beaten sword fight insults and the pirate ghost ship shuffle. For similar experiences in humour and game play see other classics like Maniac Mansion, Day of the Tentacle and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The Monkey Island sequels Curse of Monkey Island and Escape from Monkey Island tried to sustain the template set out by Ron Gilbert but are missing the subtle humour and charm of the first two games, and I think whole heartedly that Monkey Island 2: Le Chucks Revenge is a superior sequel, with an ending that can only be explained, or concluded (if he chooses), by Ron Gilbert.
Monkey Island related business below… (Monkey Business)
Learn more about Ron Gilbert at his website Grumpy Gamer
Old but still interesting interview with Ron Gilbert over at The World of Monkey Island in 2007, plus includes plenty of other awesome Monkey Island info.
Having trouble wondering what the red herring is for? Not sure what to do with the cotton swab, eager to get a-head in navigating? Then check out the Amiga Longplay of The Secret of Monkey Island on Youtube below!
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